Collection of Twists
by elfsborg91
Summary: Like the title states, it's a collection of twists which probably would have happened in the books :
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok, so first off, I'll say that I haven't been able to post anything really since I've been hit by the awful _writer's block _*gasp*

and I have been busy with school, I mean really busy. It's been interesting, I've never had this much to do, and I didn't know that you really can become hyper if you drink a cup of black coffee… That was an experience : )

Me and my sister have talked for a long time about doing this, and I know that I have stories which isn't finished, and as much as that bugs me, but right now I have no inspiration for them, and I don't want to mess them up. So… to get on with what I want to say, I'll post possibly funny one-shots.

We'll see how this goes : )

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At Grimmauld Place

_(set in book 7 when Remus Lupin come too talk to Harry.)_

"Don't you understand what I've done to my wife and my unborn child?! I should never have married her, I've – " There was a loud boom and a crash, followed by a cursing cloud of black smoke. The room was breathlessly waiting for what would happen next when none other than Sirius Black took a step forward.

"Sirius?" Harry had completely forgotten why he and his father's other friend were arguing, but his godfather ignored him as he stomped up to Remus and grabbed the other man's arm in a firm grip.

"_**You're coming with me**_." He wheezed through clenched teeth and there was another boom and they left the stunned teenagers behind to look at each other in confusion.

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Remus felt ground under his feet and looked around him to realise that Sirius had brought him back to his parents-in-law. Tonks just walked into the room and noticed her dead cousin standing beside her husband, and if looks could kill, then Remus would be as dead as Sirius presumably was.

"Sirius?" She tried meekly, but Sirius didn't acknowledge her presence.

"**Now, stay there**!" With that he disappeared only to be back in a second to give Remus a forceful kick to the shin.

"Sirius… _why_?" Remus said in his most whiny voice as he sat on the floor, nursing his leg and with Sirius leering threateningly over him. Sirius pointed at him and said in a low voice.

"**You know why**." Then he was gone, and Tonks looked at Remus questioning what that was all about.

"Eh… he came by Grimmauld Place… and Harry had been cooking."

"Ah, I see." Tonks grimaced knowingly.

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Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Harry Potter or the dialogue from What happens in Vegas.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Warning for quite extreme OCness, I just wanted to write something really weird : )

**Shower**

_(Book 7, sometime as the trio is at Grimmauld Place.)_

Harry let out a girly squeak when the first water hit him in the shower, but as it got warmer he relaxed and hoped that his two friends' wouldn't worry about what might have made him utter this unmanly noise. Especially since he had finally gotten them to stop nagging him about when he wanted to buy a wine red robe, seriously… how could he know that it was a women's clothes store, and that the robe actually was a dress…

He picked up the soap and while humming he began to clean himself. Then the thing that anyone in a shower would dread happened, Harry dropped the soap.

"Oh, _Voldemort_!" Harry cursed as he bent down and picked up the item of his irritation, but as he straightened up again he saw Lord Voldemort standing in front of him, at first with a smirk, but that quickly disappeared and was replaced by shock.

"Oh, dear _**Lord Me**_, you are **naked**, man!" Lord Voldemort tried to cover his eyes at the sight of Harry in front of him, and Harry realised what he had to do to save himself yet another time.

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, then he began to sing, a really bad version of MC Hammer's 'U can't touch this' while trying to dance in his small space.

_You better get hype, boy  
Because you know you can't  
(You can't touch this)  
Ring the bell, school's back in_

_Break it down  
Stop, __Harry time_

_You can't touch this  
You can't touch this_

Harry realised that this wasn't as bad as he had thought, it was actually fun to bully his enemy with some daring and in Harry's opinion, really groovy dance moves. However that wasn't what Voldemort thought about the show Harry put on.

"Fine, you win this time Potter, but only because I need someone to check my eyes to make sure there will be no permanent damage." He moved his fingers slightly to peek out at Harry who was trying to do something close to tap-dancing, so he quickly shut his eyes again and tried to find his wand on the floor where he had dropped it in his shock. "Until we meet again…"

Harry looked around, shrugged and continued his performance for the now empty bathroom.

Just as he made a 180 degree jump so he faced the door, it was opened and a desolved Lupin stared at him.

"_Harry,_ _why_?"

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Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter or MC Hammer.


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